The Art of Soothing: For You and Your Baby

Have you ever cared for a crying, fussy baby—or witnessed one mid-tantrum on a plane?

That rising irritation or uneasiness you feel? The “oh my god, I might just lose my sh*t too”?

It’s your nervous system responding to another human in distress. This instinct, while frustrating, is an essential, natural response.

Our nervous system is constantly in conversation with those around us. When someone is dysregulated—overstimulated, irritable, or anxious—our body shifts into “high alert,” engaging the sympathetic nervous system (the fight-or-flight response) to assess safety.

Conversely, when we experience connection, like a warm hug or a reminder to breathe, our nervous system downregulates, allowing us to feel calmer.

While adults are often better able to understand dysregulation will pass—it’s an unavoidable part of life—babies don’t have this capacity yet. Instead, they rely entirely on adults for co-regulation.

When we respond to their cries with warmth, comfort, and care, we help them feel safe and build the foundation for eventual self-regulation. Over time, repeated experiences of co-regulation teach babies to self-soothe.


If you’ve checked all the basics—your baby is fed, changed, and comfortable—but they’re still fussy or colicky, it’s time to reach for some soothing strategies.

Below are five time-tested techniques for calming your baby and five simple practices to keep you grounded and regulated.


For Your Newborn

Dr. Harvey Karp’s 5 S’s Method for soothing babies, inspired by the !Kung mothers of Southern Africa, mimics the comforting environment of the womb to activate a calming response:

1. Swaddle

Wrapping your baby snugly can reduce the startle reflex and promote sleep. If swaddling feels restrictive, try a looser sleep sack. Note: stop swaddling once your baby begins to roll over.

2. Side or Stomach Position

Holding your baby on their side or stomach with gentle pressure on their abdomen can ease fussiness and help relieve gas.

3. Shush

White noise—whether from a sound machine, a playlist, or your own steady “shhh”—mimics the constant background noise of the womb, offering a sense of security.

4. Swing

Babies love rhythmic motion. Rocking, swaying, or using a swing can help them settle.

5. Suck

Nursing, a pacifier, or even their own thumb activates the vagus nerve, triggering a parasympathetic response that helps your baby relax.


For You

Caring for a newborn is physically and emotionally demanding.

Here are five simple ways to soothe yourself so you can better support your baby:

1. Sip

Hydration is crucial, especially if you’re nursing. Keep water and favorite drinks—tea, seltzer, coconut water—within reach. A pinch of salt in diluted orange juice makes an easy homemade electrolyte boost.

2. Snack

Long days and sleepless nights can mean skipped meals. Keep quick, nourishing snacks on hand to fuel your body and mind.

3. Stretch

A quick, full-body stretch can shift your energy in seconds. Reach for the sky, inhale deeply, and let out a big sigh. Repeat as needed.

4. Sun

Step outside for fresh air and a few minutes of sunlight. Natural light boosts serotonin, increases oxygen levels, and reduces stress.

5. Share

Speak openly with a partner, doula, or therapist about how you’re feeling, or join a new parent support group. If talking feels too hard, try humming, singing, or even sighing audibly—it’s a subtle yet effective release.

Bonus: Babywearing

Wearing your baby in a soft wrap, carrier, or sling is a beautiful way to co-regulate. The closeness promotes oxytocin release, helping both of you feel more connected and calm. Babywearing has been practiced for centuries across cultures, offering a practical and comforting way to nurture your baby while keeping your hands free.

Parenting is demanding work, but small, intentional moments of care—for both your baby and yourself—can create a more grounded, harmonious experience. Let’s explore these practices together.

 

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